9/11 Commission

Q: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?
A: National Security Advisor, Dr. Condoleeza Rice?
Q: No. She looks too much like Dr. Richard Clark.
A: Karen Hughes.
Q: She is ten minutes from normal. Not ideal.
A: First Lady Laura Bush.
Q: Too highbrow. I am looking at the fairest of them all.
A: Jennifer Lopez.
Q: Nice bottom-up but no.
A: Janet Jackson.
Q: She did not bare her other breast. I need to see more.
A: Madonna.
Q: She is like a virgin. I am looking for someone with more experience.
A: Britney.
Q: Yes, yes, I know her. We are on a first name basis. Appealing, but no.
A: Jessica Simpson.
Q: Newly-wed. Not that it disqualifies you.
A: Jennifer Aniston.
Q: We are friends. Tempting, but it could be construed as cronyism. So, I am going to say, no.
A: Naomi Campbell. Nelson Mandela asked her to help with world peace.
Q: I don’t think she is made in America.
A: Does nationality matter?
Q: We do not discriminate on the basis of race, religion, nationality or ethnic identity.
A: All right. Irshad Manji, author of “The Trouble with Islam”.
Q: No. Never trouble trouble, till trouble troubles you, remember?
A: Ang Sang Su Kyi, how are we doing with her?
Q: She is not ‘our’ problem. We are not our brother’s keeper.
A: Princess Diana, then.
Q: Are you insane? I need the living to speak on behalf of the dead.
A: I was going to say, our lady of Liberty…
Q: She has a heart of stone.
A: She continues to welcome strangers.
Q: I don’t like her notion of loose borders. The embroidery could be improved.
A: She pricked her finger.
Q: There was bloodshed.
A: She wished for daughters...
Q: Snow White? Is that how you see America? Do you think we are on a witch-hunt within the country?
A: She was kind to the seven dwarfs.
Q: Not always. She abruptly left them in the lurch.
A: Well, what do you expect? She is married to the Prince of Peace, and runs a good old house with him.
Q: I have not seen her handle crisis well.
A: I thought she did.
Q: She didn’t, I tell you.
A: She did, I say.
Q: You can say whatever you like but in the final analysis….
A: The people will decide.
Q: We don’t all usually vote.
A: Then why do you want to know who is the fairest among us all?
Q: It’s something to do. I like taking polls.
A: How long have you had this problem?
Q: I don’t consider it a problem. I have a dream….
A: I got it! Martin Luther King.
Q: He is a man, idiot.
A: Don’t call me an idiot. It hurts! It hurts! That’s what they called me in the village.
The village idiot, the ugly American…they just would not stop.
Q: Well, usually when we ask these questions, about the fairest one among us all, we go beyond our call. We look in the global village and…..
A: Try to find the fairest among us all? I’d say Osama bin Laden but you said not to look at men. Why is that?
Q: Well, we are not to look at women, either but.. I think it originates from the Book. According to Judaism, Christianity and Islam, from which the fairest emerge….
A: I am eager to learn the truth, now. Forgive me, my emotional outburst. Go on, go on I am listening…
Q: Like I was saying…
A: Yes, yes, please enlighten me. I am listening…
Q: Well, when God created the heaven and the earth…
A: I am moved…so moved..and care so deeply to know…
Q: Well, he created man and woman…
A: Equal?
Q: We are not discussing equality.
A: Feminism, then?
Q: No. None of the ‘isms.’ Just the fairest among us all...
A: I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. Why is it women only?
Q: It is not women only.
A: But you just said men are not included. You said Martin Luther King and Osama bin Laden are not the fairest among us all.
Q: You are comparing apples with oranges. Don’t do that.
A: But, why?
Q: Because thou shalt not.
A: I am beginning to think you have no idea what you are talking about. There is no magic answer is there?
Q: Why would I ask the question if there were no answers? Do you think I am stupid?
A: I need time to think.
Q: Time to think or make some unutterable links?
A: I think I am not the village idiot. I think I’ll go with my first answer.

Note: Condoleezza Rice is now US Secretary of State.

©2004 Anushka Anastasia Solomon.